i use to pray like god was listening

meh

2008-11-02T07:28:25Z

i do all i can... its never enough.

xchuckx666 @ 2007-11-17T07:31:00

2007-11-17T15:32:35Z

awesome night.

fuck

2007-10-31T02:36:29Z

everything

life

2007-09-13T19:40:03Z

ive never been happier.

the hate

2007-07-24T04:28:08Z

fuck you all. except my friends. youre cool. but the rest of you fuck you.

sleep

2007-06-26T12:34:21Z

i hate going to sleep at 6am every morning. im like barely tired it sucks. i guess if i had someone to cuddle with it would be easier. owell. fucked.

smash or be smashed

2007-06-18T08:06:14Z

i want to smash everything.

broke ass

2007-05-13T10:26:34Z

1. fucked up knee. cant play hockey.
2. overdrawn 300 dollars. cant buy anything
3. surviving on leftover donutz that someone brought over here a few days ago. it was a dozen i think its down to 5 maybe. oh and food that russ left here when he moved out... one can of beans.
4. lonely.
5. fuck it.
666. sraight edge.
7. city and colour is the only thing that makes me happy. even though it makes me want to cuddle. and makes me miss you.sometimes.

xchuckx666 @ 2007-05-08T01:14:00

2007-05-08T08:16:10Z

i miss the old days. why cant we be kids forever. fuck growing up.

fuck life sometimes

2007-05-02T22:34:10Z

The problem with sex is selfrespect - calibration
the orgasm serves as your validation...
and the problem with love, is that it lives in a book now
the problem with drugs is that theyre too fucking good now
the problem with logic is theres too many loopholes
and the problem with truth is that it's usually brutal
the problem is I can't trust most of what I see
so Fuck it! ...all the problems of life must be me!
When they said this world was ours
Felt like we got body and soul
they think they had a cure for pain
...Biggest lie they ever told

alone

2007-04-28T08:43:20Z

lonely kind of

bummed

2007-04-27T20:29:29Z

so my ex gf is here getting all her stuff. i dont know. i dont really know what to feel. cuz its for the best. shes out there crying moving stuff and im just sitting here not feeling. kinda wierd. i feel bad but what can i do.

fuck

2007-04-21T10:40:18Z

fucked.

alone

2007-04-15T09:56:17Z

when theres no video games or tv, a friend or a movie to keep me distracted i get really bummed. i just wish it was easy. just for a second.

And you can try to fight this all you want,
but I won't be there, I won't be there when you're all alone.
This new season, it brings with it signs of hope, hope.
Now you can't leave me, you can't leave me waiting all alone, all alone.

And I know, there is
Some place I can go
Where no one knows my name.

And I can still remember, you know I can still hear your voice, your voice.
Although your silence, your silence still rings so clear.
And do you think, and do you think I would call
just to hear you breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe?
You always knew, you always knew that just one word would dry up all my tears.

And I know there is
Some place I can go
Where no one knows my name, my name
Where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name

tired

2007-04-12T12:26:33Z

i wish i could sleep. i wish i could stop my thoughts. i want to get away from all of this. i wish i could just go away and come back and have everything the way i want it. its almost 530 am. im goin to sleep. fuck my head.

sometimes...

2007-03-28T11:21:15Z

i miss:

my house in el segundo
halo sessions after school
after school party time at my house everyday
eating and destroying everything in my old house then putting everything back together
listening to heavy music and moshing on girls running into my room
blackjack
el segundo straight edge
veganism
shows at the teen center
bush diving
freestyle walking
ditch at center street school
ditch at embyssy suites
project mayhem (piccolo pete bombs)
pumpkin rolling
t-p-ing 30 houses in one night
everyone hating the loop
punching ghandi
our last days
samarah
earth crisis
making vegan brownies cookies and other vegan delites
insurgence
countervail
mosh ball
never going home cuz i hated being there when people were awake
i still never sleep
waking up when my friends get to my house after school
falling asleep at school while still making it look like i was working
getting pierced but i dont miss pissing off my mom
dickies creepers and black hair haha
the stupid yet awesome shirts i had
stretch and one king down at 3 in the afternoon
drew and the camp fire in the middle of the mosh pitting
vampire crew
VSP
lords of darkness
huuuuge shitty raver pants oh wait haha
tight shirts that only went down to my belly button
bartendor at limeys
XbloodbathX practice at 7 in the morning
ditching school to pass out flyers at the middle school for shows
8th grade talent show ha
brick fight/boxing with scissors
fallen angel
making mixtapes/cds for friends bdays
colored vinyl
sneeking into the movies with like 15 kids
lawn furniture bandits
trash can bandits
foot soldiering throughout gundo to tp kids
taping porn mags to windows
practice at mondos
bay
dropzone sesh
not having to worry about money
not working
watching dazed and confused everyday during the summer
roller hockey tournaments
summers gloom
under attack
james caverli
good shows
early to mid 90s tv shows
'laying eggs' in the sepulveda tunnel you know what im talkin about boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!

i posted this two years ago i just read it and felt like posting it again. we cant we just be kids again. i wish we could all be happy.

word

2007-03-28T11:08:33Z

i love my friends. everythings gonna be alright.

fuck

2006-12-30T10:42:31Z

fuck drunk people coming home and being stupid loud and obnoxious. straight edge.

heat hot hot

2006-07-23T10:45:04Z

seriously though what the fuck. we live in california. not new york. ca 80 to 85 with a nice breeze keeping you cool. not 90 all day with 90 % humidity along with lighning and thunder storms but no rain. and when it does rain it just makes it more humid which is almost never. fuck this weather fuck humans for fucking up our earth. and fuck global warming. we are so fucked.

ps

dont fuck with the jedi master bitch. bestline

music

2006-05-24T11:37:03Z

i tried to go to sleep at like 3 it is now 426. i have not played music of any sort since the hate broke up. i have sold every piece of equipment i own. ive not gone to a show since i think final fight at chain like a few months ago or something. anyways my mind has been filling with riff after riff of awesome metal. idea after idea and it wouldnt let me sleep so i thought id come on here and type it out. i think next month i will be buying a guitar. im going to start a metal band and im gonna do it right this time. full on at the gates fast paced swede metal. no real heavy parts just fast pissed metal. hopefully i can get what little skill i had and pick up where i left off and get even better. theres not many bands that do the swede metal anymore and by that i mean like just straight metal everyone has the mosh parts and it all sounds the same to me now. dont get me wrong i love hardcore metalcore whatever you want to call it but im over it. and you know what all the swede metal shit sounds the same too but i gotta admit ive loved metal and listened to metal more than hardcore so i guess my ears are more keen to metal. anyway i cant wait to do this it will be fun. who knows.

p.s.
while typing this im listening to imogen heap, frou frou's side project... wtf!

yo

2006-03-05T14:12:16Z

i cant sleep. i havnt been able to fall asleep til about 7am for the past month or so. even if im falling asleep my mind is racing. thinkin about stupid shit like i shoulda done this instead of that or hmm i need to buy a new stick maybe i should try a different curve but no i really like the one im using now so maybe i should stick with that or man i shoulda done this move instead of that move or went this way instead of that way i shoulda passed or shot. or i need to buy new skates. all this shit that just doesnt really matter. it was my dream to play in the nhl. i wish i never gave up.

mind...fucked...

2006-01-16T11:48:48Z

so in the past 2 days i have gone to two shows. bleeding through cd release show. first show since the hate show there with bt. i didnt mosh or sing along just chilled watched bt and had a good time seeing people i hadnt seen in ages. the next night tonight actually my work gave me the day off. a rare occasion indeed. so i immediatly thought of final fight. i called beau and i was set. me and pepe show up in our everyday atire pepe with a dope jacket on over a shove the dove mistake shirt some tight pants and some sick ass nikes. i was dressed in the usual size 42 beyond baggy anchor blue jeans a large cast from eden shirt and a dope hoddie from up againt the wall. we roll up hugs all around stoked to see my homies in FF. i miss being around those dudes. about 2 hours and 3 shitty hardcore bands later FF takes the stage and chain reaction explodes into a frenzy of some of the sickest sing along stage pile ups ive seen in fucking years. comparable to throwdown at their peak about 4 years ago. shit was fucking nutz i was in aw the whole set. jaw to the floor amazed. i could not believe that one of my best friends bands was this insane at chain i was so stoked for them so awesome. so after the excitement i went outside i see rollie we exchange hellos he gives me the NWG demo and we part ways. i go lookin for pepe who left to eat so i say my goodbyes to beau davey and others wish them luck and i love yous and go on my way. meet pepe and chris at their house chill for alittle watch tombstone goodtimes. two lame lame lame chics roll in i hang for about ten minutes figure out these chics are too shitty to stick around and bail as pepe is falling asleep hopefully chris fucked those chics rotten. so now im home i cuddled with my gf in bed for a few minutes told her i loved her we talked for a few minutes kissed her goodnight and came and started on this project cuz i cant shut off the thinking part of my head. so after going to these shows and seeing all these people that i use to see at least 3 times a week i feel like weird i guess i dont know. i have this job at lax which you know i make ends meet and i have this offer from a huge cargo shipping company that pays pretty damn good they have awesome benefits they fly basically everywhere in the world i mean basically i would be set for life... im 21 years old soon to be 22 i have a gf a place to live a steady job a huge job offer and for the past 2 weeks since these people have made me this offer i have been going out of my fucking mind. am i ready to pretty much sign my life away i mean this is my career thats it 50-60 grand a year retirement fund buy a house get married grow old with my gf travel the world once in awhile and thats it. so do i wana grow up already is that i want to do for the rest of my life i mean theres no money like that in pro roller hockey im to old to make the nhl probably it would take me a year of playing ice everyday to even have a shot i dont play guitar anymore my dreams of being in a huge band have long since past haha so i guess i want whats best for me and my gf in the long run the for sure thing that will bring us a place to live and food and happiness forever and ever right...? i miss going to shows and playing hockey everyday. hanging out with friends and breaking shit every night. having fun and not having a worry in the wolrd. having ice cube wars in my house i miss everything from my old house why cant that just be everyday forever everyone was happy everyone was friends there was no drama. i feel like i dont belong anywhere right now i dont see anyone ever because of my job and i feel like if i take this offer i will never see my friends or be able to go to a show or play hockey ever again. i wouldnt give any of those up for the world and i have because i have this apartment to pay for and food and all these reponsibilities that i need money for and i just want to give up i see my three best friends when i either have a hockey game theres a show on a monday or tuesday or of my gfs best friend is hangin at my house. if i didnt have this job i have right now i would see them everyday if i wanted. i would see a lot of people that make me happy that i never see anymore. i would be able to do a lot of shit that i once had so much fun doing; playing shows and guitar and shit like that... touring. doing whatever i wanted to do. i love all of you (my close friends) i am so sorry for ever hurting you in any way. i truly deeply love and care about all of you. so i guess thats it in the words of forest gump "im pretty tired... i think ill go home now." goodnight to anyone who read this lengthy shit fuck it

poop

2006-01-01T14:38:13Z

so how sweet is spending every major holiday in 2005 at work... not at all.

sad

2005-06-28T10:00:48Z

so im at my dads bored as fuck i hate myspace and ive been on it for the past 2 hours and watching movies in my dads theatre room. i opened vigils myspace and the song on there is awesome so i opened a second internet browser so i can listen to the beatifulness and type all this non sense. i was reading some past lj entries and came across the one about all the shit i miss and we use to do i almost cried. ive been way to emotional lately haha sometimes i wish i could go back in time and fix all the shitty things i did. i wonder, had my mom and art never gotten married would i ever have met any of you. i love my friends. truly deeply love all of you i wish i had my own house and we could fuck it up everyday eay everything play halo do all the bullshit we use to do. i fuckin miss my friends why does life have to get all serious it fuckin sucks growing up i should just like die or something at least i would die happy. of course i wouldnt do that but whatev. sometimes i like being alone but this sucks. i dont know i just get this shitty feeling when i come to my dads. anyway im over this shit i love you all with all my heart

yo

2005-04-28T11:58:56Z

i love my life. its so nice not having to worry about eating or having a place to stay and being able to spen my money however i please. but i need to start saving i buy too many cds i bought like 10 cds the other day thats outrageous. fuck it though cuz i love music. i love my friends. i love russ and pauline cuz they love dlan as much as my gf and i. listning to some chill instramentals and the rain pouring down is beautiful.